three months ago...-sigh-

It’s been a little over three months since that day when you told me you were leaving. Three months since your last day, three months since that half-hug and three months since I begged for you to stay.
So much has happened since then and you weren’t there to see it. And why weren’t you there? Because you just had to get up and leave, didn’t you?
Yes, I still can’t get over the fact he’s not here anymore. When things happen, I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like if he was still here. Would it be different? Yes cos he would be there. Would that of made a difference? Of Course
And on top of that, my so-called ‘friends’ just somehow find ways of hinting about him to other people who I don’t want to know and what makes this worse is it’s not the first time. Back then when I had that so-called-best-friend, she would hint it so much people would know. Basically she spread it around so it wasn’t much of a secret anymore. And that’s pretty much what’s happening here.
I’m through with trusting people with my secrets. What’s the point if people you don’t want to know about that secret know it. What is the whole damn point? The more people who know, the more reminders of him I get, the harder and longer it will take to move on. But ______, you know don’t you? On that day three months ago, you said something to my friend in canto. There was a reason why you said it in canto, a language I don’t understand, wasn’t there? After all these months I’m still wondering why, why you said it in canto. Could it be really that you do know?
It took a whole entire week to accept the fact he was leaving. It took weeks to try to get used to him not being around anymore and it’s still hard to get used to. Especially when I’m in places where there are memories.
Damn you bish! Why, ______? Just why did you have to leave? Why? I knew you for only two years, and only around a quarter of that time did I actually enjoy your company and get to know you. And yet, I wish you were here even more than in year seven when I wished my primary school friends were around and yet I knew them for seven entire years. That’s how much I want you around. That’s how much I want to go back to the times when things were actually getting better. Things were actually improving, and then you go and leave and I’m back to the beginning
Let me just say this: ______, I want you back in my life right now. I want to hear how you’ve been and what you’ve been up. I want you not to ignore me or hate me. All I want is to go back to the way we used to be. When you were like that bro-I-wished-I –had-but-never-had...

“..I wish upon a star, I wonder where you are; I wish you're coming back to me again; And everything's the same like it used to be; I see the days go by and still I wonder why; I wonder why it has to be this way; Why can't I have you here just like it used to be; I don't know which way to choose; How can I find a way to go on ?; I don't know if I can go on without you...” Teardrops in the Rain; C.N Blue