its been so long...

This is the eighth week since school began and the eleventh week since i last saw him. Youd think that it’s been long enough, but no, it isn’t.
And i think this week, ive found out more about that day. That horrible day. Apparently my oh-so-good friend told him. I don’t care that she said she suspected. He knows. The one thing i didn’t want him to know. I suspected he knew but now i know.
Is that the reason for that half-hug? Cos you knew?
Why, just why did things have to turn out this way? If you didn’t leave, you wouldn’t know. If you didn’t leave, i could still see you, still talk to you and still watch you from a distance. But now that youve gone, i can’t do those things anymore. I don’t have anyone that i could talk about the random things in my life. I can’t watch you from afar at breaks. In fact i don’t even like to be outdoors during lunches anymore, cos you aren’t there. These days, i end up hiding out in the library, thinking. Thinking about those times.
See ______, this wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t leave. Im some ways i do hate you for that and i probably will never forgive you for leaving. You know what ______? Every time you talked about leaving or other schools or even transfer forms and things to do with leaving, i hated it. I got pissed just by you talking about it. I liked whenever you said you didn’t want to ever leave but wanted to bash you up whenever you talked about maybe leaving. I remember a time in maths- you were behind me and talking about how you may be going and i heard and got pissed. I pretty much told you off for that and you ended up stressing the word maybe.
Did i piss you off with that? Im sorry if i did but i just didn’t want to lose your company or risk having you leave. But i didn’t turn out like that in the end, did it? You ended up leaving anyway. Even though you said you didn’t want to leave. And it’s because of that, i hate you. That one thing that makes me hate you in some way. But it’s not a full hate, because if it was, i wouldn’t be missing you...
Like i said before, all i want is for you t not ignore me, not hate me ad still talk to me cos unlike you, i miss you and just want you back in my life. I want to have those fun times with you again because in a way, you were nicer than most people ive met. Those people hate you, think youre annoying or think that youre a flirt, the thing is to me, youre not that guy To me youre someone who is nice and i don’t hate you or think youre a flirt...

“...now you're missing my touch...who knew when you left you would miss me like this; you’re missing the times; you’re missing my jokes...you're missing my voice...you don't miss a good thing til it's gone (til it's gone)...you say your miserable without me in your life (your life); and you wish you could the turn back the hands of time...” Til It’s Gone; Atozzio