Am I even important to you? Am anything to you? After all this time, I still don't know what I am to you. To me, you are someone who is important to me. I trust you, I care about what happens to you, I think your special. But I don't know where I stand with you.

Am I on the same page as her, her, her and her? Lately, I think not. When I look around, you're always with her or her and to me, it seems like I'm nothing compared to them. Looking at you then, it always seems as if you're having more fun with them, that you're happier than when you're with me. Is that so? Is that how it is? Are my assumptions correct? In my eyes they are. I observe alot, and this is what I've been seeing lately.

I know I can say anything to you, but I can't bring myself to ask you these questions. Why? Cos I'm simply afraid of what your answer is going to be. Just the very reason why I can't ask what is between you and her. I'm scared that you're going to say that you're with her. That's the one thing that I don't want to hear. After what happened last year, I never want to hear about that from someone else, to see it with my own eyes everyday while all the while, you didn't tell me.

I think that you are my weakness. What happens to you, what I see when I look at you. Your actions with them, it all affects me. It can bring my mood up and down. That's my weakness. That's what will bring the fall of me.

Why does it have to be like this? Why can't you be just my friend in my view? You may think that's what I think, but that's a far cry from the truth. It's something more, and that's what I hate. Why can't I just see you as my friend? Why not? Even before I actually got to know you, it was like that. Will it be someday I get over this? So it doesn't kill me to see you with someone else or love someone else for that matter. Cos sooner or later, its going to happen again and I won't be able to take it.

Sometimes, I wait. Wait to see if you would show that I mean something to you. But it doesn't happen. And at times, I feel like giving up. But even when I say I will, its always easier said than done. There's always some glimmer of hope that I just have to hold onto and that usually end in disappointment. I say that I won't hope, but it's always there. There's always some part of my mind that hopes for that to happen, only to lead to disatisfaction.

And I still see the inequality. The things I see you do with them, you don't do with me. Why don't you ever come and spend time with me? You do it with other people, but not me? Does that make them more important in your view than I am? And the things you do with them, why not with me? Am I not special enough to be able to deserve that? Yes, I do overanalyse what I see, but how can I not? There's a definite difference and I want to know why.

I remember the things you've done with me in the past. Why is it only of the past? Why not now as well? Do you even miss those times, cos I definitely do. I miss those times when it seemed like it was only me. That's my problem. I forget that I'm probably, most likely not the most important person in your life. I forget that its not only me and that there are others. But I like to think that you only do that with me. That at least makes me think I'm still special to you. You've told me before that I was special to you. But now, I question that. Is it still the case?

Can someday I get over all of this? Can someday the inequality between us disappear? Can someday I not overthink and overanalyse the situation? Can someday all I ever wanted to happen, come true? Only time will tell.